he has come...finally

EC scribbles in her journal while the baby sleeps

He has finally arrived. My beautiful son who kept his mother in pain and delirious for days is finally here and he is a wonderful site to set your eyes upon. I still do not understand why women go through this more then once because the pain is unbearable and the long months of waiting are not without hardship but oh the reward that is given in the end is a one of great joy. Regardless of the circumstances on how they have come to be.
 Christian Louis de Fiennes should be fiercely protected and loved immensely by all who set eyes on him. Whenever my husband finally arrives in choisy he will see his heir and hopefully fall in love with his as I have or he may hide in his building either way I should be happy with the new arrival

worries of a comtesse

As the time draws near. I feel myself becoming more and more ill. I have had some good days and in those days I attend to my duties at court and I try to be pleasant but with this pregnancy I have seemed to miss a lot. My brother has asked the Mlle Charlotte Martine Gramont to marry him and I couldn't be more excited for them both. I approve of this marriage way more then I did  of the one my brother was to have before.

  I know it sounds as if I am being mean but the women who was to have married my brother was not right for him my mother did not like her and I did not. It is said that she went o a convent after all her behavior was exposed. I have to say for someone who has had to visit a convent it can be a experience  where one can put life and values in perspective.
  

Letter to F

F,

 I was suprised by your visit, Honestly I thought when you said you would return to your duties and go about doing what you do for the crown and never speak to me again. Then again it is more so that I would have preffered it that way. I have the best part of you and seeing you was something I could have done without. You have your path with your children and your life. While you got to escape this world that we live in I am the one who has to endure it. I have to endure the whispers or the outright speech of what we have done. I am the one with the evidence of what has gone on between us and you. Well you get to deal with only your wife and children.You get to deal with your duties and that alone. I know I sound as if I hate you but that is not the case. I still love you more then I should. I just think you are cruel and selfish. It does lead me to question what we had.What was it to you? The behavior you had when you visited I am not sure.  I would like if you laid eyes on the child at least once after it is born and then when he or she marries like we agreed.

  I will end this letter because there is no more to write and nothing left for me to say. If you return a letter that would answer my questions. I could be more content but I do not expect that from you. 

E.C.