another tragedy

This morning I was transported back to Choisy after the carriage accident and all I could do was cry because of the pain I felt in my body and face. I cried for my dead cousin as it seems death plagues our family. I did not want anyone to see my face not my brothers nor sisters and so far they have not. When I arrived Mary was there to greet me having been sent word before I arrived on what had happened and there was only her and Joseph who I let seem me in the state I was in. I could not stop myself from crying. I can be strong and sharp tongued when at court but now at this moment I was feeling beaten and broken.  Have I done something in a past life that I must pay for with such pain.

    After Mary washed and changed me cleaning my cuts as best she could.I was sent to bed and ordered them to let no one in not even my family if they arrive.Tell them that I will get to them when I have recovered some.I don't want anyone to see the cuts and the scars that have erased the beauty that was given to me by my mother. That night I sat in my chair in my room reflecting on my life and I started to think...would it have been better to be in debt and happy then rich and have a troubled heart. Then I remember why I submit to this life so much and it is for the women that saved my soul and in return I saved her life and even still I feel I can never repay her for the kindness that she gives me when all of court has already made up their minds not knowing anything of my life and struggles.