I have found myself again in the gaze of someone I thought had moved on from what we had in the prior years...and some months ago when I had arrived at Versailles. I had suddenly gotten over him before meeting my husband and like that the flame was lit and we had one encounter before my marriage day and when my husband went away to his chateau.He saw what others did not because he was closer to me then anyone that I had ever known.The man who could be charming to all of court could be just as charming in the bed chambers. The man who with words could break you down could also build you up so that you feel more beautiful then the Greek Goddess Aphrodite. In private moments he is a smile to a dull day. I know it is wrong a mortal sin something that on judgement day I will speak for but I don't want to give up these moments of overwhelming pleasure,overwhelming happiness...something that feels like a lustful love.
I know for a fact now that the child I carry is not that of my husbands but of my lovers and though in that is a sin. I do not feel a ashamed at all for it. When I should but life is strange that way for me. Where things that should feel bad don't and things that are morally wrong make me feel so much better...is there something wrong with me...
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