Thinking of my father

I awoke this morning and wish that everything was different then it is. I wish my father was around to get me through life at court. There were some things I would not have done has he been there to keep me under his watchful eye. I feel as if I have failed my father in certain aspects when it comes to court and to life. I have done more at court to put our family name in good standing then he ever had and I have heard this from many. I don't hear anything bad about him but I have a feeling that he would be upset with the current situations that have come upon me recently. I have followed my heart instead of the code of things. I did what felt right not what is expected of me.